To say that 2024 was an explosive yr for As I Lay Dying vocalist Tim Lambesis is a little bit of an understatement. The controversial frontman made headlines upon the most recent dissolution of his aforementioned long-running metalcore outfit, as a drip-feed reveal of 4 separate lineup departures (Phil Sgrosso, Ryan Neff, Ken Susi & Nick Pierce) left him the only real member of the band.
Practically all of these exit statements shared cryptic undertones of the exiting members’ ethical code and private limits being examined throughout their time within the band. Lambesis himself issued a press release on the matter in early November, vowing to as soon as once more rebuild the band, however offered little context as to why his bandmates left.
That every one modified in late November, when personal footage of Tim and his now estranged spouse Dany started surfacing on-line anonymously. That footage featured heated conversations and arguments between the couple, and sometimes discovered Tim in close to manic states, pacing, speaking erratically, and hitting himself repeatedly.
Within the hours after that footage started to flow into, Tim issued this assertion, claiming that leaked footage was in reality ‘public assaults’ on his character. He claimed that the footage emerged a day after he filed for divorce in opposition to Dany and was meant as ‘retaliation’ for him selecting to dissolve the wedding.
In his assertion, Tim alleged that Dany had each verbally and mentally “abused” him over the course of three years. He additional claimed that he had footage to again up his claims of her assaulting and threatening him.
He went on so as to add that he had filed for a restraining order in opposition to Dany and {that a} home violence investigation into their relationship was within the means of being filed. That very same assertion additionally discovered Tim labeling his erratic habits within the footage as “anxiousness crammed reactions and defenses.”
Including to the drama surrounding the state of affairs is Tim‘s personal controversial previous. Again in 2013, he was sentenced to jail after pleading responsible to solicitation of one other to commit homicide. At the moment Lambesis employed an undercover police officer posing as a hitman to homicide his then spouse.
He went on serve a number of years in jail earlier than being paroled, after which he reunited As I Lay Dying till an identical mass exodus of the band’s roster started unfolding round 2020 to 2022. He would go on to rebuild that lineup with new members sans guitarist Phil Sgrosso. Nonetheless, that incarnation of the band all exited late final yr, Sgrosso included.
Now Lambesis has given his first interview since his above-mentioned assertion. Talking with ‘private branding professional’ and health coach Justin Wenzel on the latter’s podcast, Lambesis has now damaged his silence.
Talking of the tumult among the many band’s numerous rosters and his tendency to hunt expert musicians in a enterprise sense slightly than establishing brotherhood along with his bandmates, Tim acknowledged [transcribed by theprp.com]:
“I selected to make it that manner, however that was my very own fault. It doesn’t should be that manner… residing with an individual in a bus and all that, I’m accountable for ensuring that there’s well being in my very own life and private concern between the folks I’m working with and I didn’t prioritize that sufficient.”
Tim additionally spoke of his rising unhappiness in his relationship along with his spouse Dany as manifesting way back to at the very least a yr in the past. He went on to say how his points in his marriage ultimately started creeping into his skilled life:
“I feel it simply actually comes right down to the quantity of tension I had on a relationship stage, that I simply carried frequently, of like, not understanding. I simply don’t perceive how you would be with an individual and never be variety to them, and, like, actually mess with my head to the purpose the place I simply would get up with anxiousness. I’d fall asleep with anxiousness.
And to me, being that model of myself, it was inevitable I used to be going to push everyone else away, proper? As a result of how do you the way do you join with an individual that’s drowning in anxiousness continuously, however gained’t discuss to you about it?
I wasn’t going to speak about it, as a result of I didn’t need to let anyone understand how deeply unhealthy issues have been, as a result of then they’d inform me, I’ve to depart the connection. However I wished to discover a method to struggle and keep, proper?
So, I simply saved it in, saved it in, they usually’re like, you recognize, individuals are simply saying, like, ‘Tim‘s performing much less and fewer like himself’, like, ‘I’m involved, what’s going on?’ I by no means yelled at anyone or argued with anyone, or we by no means had fights. It wasn’t like that. It was identical to, from afar, they have been like, ‘This dude simply looks like he’s falling aside, like, what’s happening?’
And the irony is that the connection ended — my relationship ended — on the similar time that these guys form of gave up, per se. I’m not blaming them, however the resolution occurred on the similar time that they felt like they now not have been… They didn’t need… They didn’t need to stick round, as a result of they felt like there was no resolution, proper?”
When requested if his now former bandmates tried to intervene, he replied, “…That’s to not their discredit. I imply, I I are inclined to… the extra I’m struggling, the extra I isolate, proper?” He continued:
“I do should defend them… So a part of why I bottled up and remoted extra is that I did get this sense of ultimatum that was like, ‘Hey, dude, no matter you’re going by way of, like, I can’t see that that stuff floor once more, as a result of if that, if that comes out once more, I’m gone.” …One of many guys had stated that. And so there was like, Okay, properly now, like, I really feel like I gotta disguise my wrestle, proper?”
When requested if his bandmates skilled any of this habits on the highway, he replied:
“Yeah. I imply.. verbal arguments and stuff. Or, you recognize, you’d be like, hey, the place did they go? The place did Tim… Me and my ex would go, [leaving his bandmates] [we would] simply be gone for the final two hours, like we’re ready for him…
And it simply was, that complete, I’m simply scratching my head and being like, how can I resolve battle? And there was, there was no method to probably resolve [it.] I’m all the time on the lookout for a method to resolve battle. It’s inside my nature. Perhaps it’s the codependent factor, such as you’re speaking about. So I identical to all I care about is resolving it.”
Lambesis additionally went on to say that he feels he continued to attempt to make unhealthy relationships work in an try and fill a void left by his previous errors, together with dropping entry to his adopted kids along with his first spouse on account of his actions and arrest in 2013. Talking of how dropping these relationships have impacted him, he teared up stating:
“I feel for those who are like ‘Ah man, this dude’s had each alternative.’ I feel that that’s a criticism that’s warranted. As a result of it’s like, man, I’ve had loads of alternatives to take a step again and heal from that, however I by no means wished to speak about it. As a result of I felt like, to a point, there was this perception that if I attempt to say one thing… If you discuss anyone dropping their children, it’s pure to really feel sympathy in the direction of them, proper?
And if I’m speaking about one thing the place [people will] really feel like, ‘Oh, he’s attempting to achieve sympathy for the way he feels’, or what he went by way of, then I do know, for me, as a result of I’m a public determine this, that’s a foul look, proper? It’s like, oh, ‘that dude’s a narcissist’, or he’s attempting to do no matter. So, I simply I didn’t discuss it. I didn’t discuss it.
You understand, 12 years in the past is after I was arrested and within the final 12 years, I possibly talked, simply acknowledged, that loss, like a couple of times, very, very briefly. And avoiding that to me was an actual downside. So I simply can’t do something however come out and say man, that’s the route that is sensible.
However there’s one thing releasing in lastly acknowledging that factor I didn’t need to discuss, or if I did discuss it every year for a pair minutes, [there’s] one thing releasing about it. If it’s 12 years later and I gotta cry about it a 100 extra instances then that’s what I’ve gotta do.”
When requested how outdated his kids at the moment are, he acknowledged, “I’ve been requested out of respect for them to not discuss them publicly. However I can point out the sentiments that I’ve for them in a broader sense. However their freedom and autonomy to take away themselves from the chaos that I’ve had in my life is one thing they deserve.”
When requested concerning the band’s newest album “By Storms Forward” he additionally described the lyrical content material as in a manner subconsciously being a “cry for assist” along with his psychological unhappiness. The long run As I Lay Dying was additionally introduced up, however it will seem it’s not a right away concern. Tim relayed of that:
“I don’t actually need to discuss concerning the particulars of that… I do really feel like my process proper now could be to be additional down this therapeutic path, and after I’m there, I feel it’s considerably inevitable that I’ll… for those who like As I Lay Dying already, I’ll not win over new followers or no matter, however for those who are like ‘I ponder if the following As I Lay Dying album goes to be good?’ or if no matter he does subsequent goes to be good, in fact it’s going to be good if I simply deal with my well being and turn out to be the person who can create that and have a steady surrounding and good group round me, and that’s what’s gonna give it energy.
However I imply the musical creation has by no means been the tough half for me. And that’s like a bizarre factor proper? Such as you recall document label folks or reserving brokers they usually’re like oh, “Nicely is Tim good at his job?” they usually’re like, ‘After all he’s good at his job, however he’s doubtlessly a large number in different areas of life.’ So it’s like dude, my job is the least of my worries.”
Circling again to the void he’s struggled with in dropping his kids and the way he’s been inclinded to harbor unhealthy relationships since, he provided:
“There’s clearly been one thing that’s been unaddressed for the final twelve years of my life, or simply scratch the floor of it… If in case you have one thing traumatic occur and it creates a void in your coronary heart and you are feeling such as you shouldn’t discuss it, you’re not allowed to speak about it, or no one desires to offer you sympathy, or when you did get sympathy for it… you’d be known as a narcissist. I needed to put all that apart and simply say, ‘I don’t care what folks say.’
“I’ve to simply deal with this, this can be a big void in my life. And if I don’t heal from it… I don’t need pity. I don’t need sympathy. However I need to deal with it. I would like to have the ability to discuss it and say ‘that is what’s held me again.’ It’s vital.
Pity’s kinda gross. I don’t need pity proper? Once I pity anyone else, I’m like, ‘Oh man, I hope they don’t know that I pity them.’ That might make them really feel worse. I don’t need that. I simply need to have the ability to deal with it, to say ‘this exists’, Like I can’t faux it doesn’t exist. Like that’s it. It’s fairly easy.”
As for his strategy to social media over the previous yr or two, he commented:
“I publish due to the need of simply current on this world. However, like, I’ve been very a lot off of social media as a result of this anxiousness that it offers me. I feel a part of me simply has to get previous that and simply be like, you recognize regardless of the criticism could also be, I feel there’s conversations that may be had, even when there’s the destructive feedback, proper?
There’s essential conversations round incarceration, round therapeutic, round rehabilitation, like I simply have to get on the market and begin having these conversations.”